I believe I have hit upon my struggle of staying patient during our adoption journey. I am constantly battling with myself on what is God's Will and how much should I be doing. I am sure that there is a balance between doing nothing and doing too much that could lead to a path that is not meant to be traversed by Bubba and I. As my emotions range from despair to hope, I picked up "The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?" off of my bookshelf Tuesday night. I have had this book for at least 5 years, I cannot remember if it simply was my mother-in-law's or if she gave it to us at some point. However, it amazes me that while I was leaning more towards despair that I was inspired to look up verses on adoption and when I picked up my Bible this book caught my eye. The book calls itself a 40 day journey, and I grabbed it the day before Lent begins.
Today's reading stood out to me. Life on earth is a test. Life on earth is a trust. Life on earth is a temporary assignment. The last one is tomorrow's reading. Test and Trust were explained today. It reminded me that God does test us, and sometimes he feels farther away from us to see how we respond to those feelings experienced at those moments. He will provide us with the strength to endure whatever test is thrown our way. Life on earth is a trust reminds me that everything I have isn't mine, it is God's. HE provides and entrusted us with his son as we partake in this Lenten Season. It is a season of despair and hope, where the ending is joyous. Somehow I keep encountering a word, phrase, or picture to remind me to have hope when I am feeling despair. We have put off completely putting a bedroom together for a child until we have one, but I have decided it is time to start. I purchased a string art elephant over a year ago to hang on the wall and finally decided to do it yesterday. (Partly because I wanted to avoid my treadmill.) I feel like It is time to prepare our house for a child even though we are not matched with a child yet. In another light, we have not been up to much lately. This weekend was probably the most relaxing one I have had since October. The state of Minnesota finally endorsed me 5-12 for Communicative Arts, so I no longer need to pay tuition! I would say I no longer need to learn, but that will never be true. The Knowledge Bowl season is almost to an end. I am sure I will be able to fill up my now free Monday nights. Bubba has been putting in extra hours working on a rental property, while still finding time to play XBox with my brothers regularly. It is always gives me great pleasure to hear them groan when they realize I am on the headset instead of Bubba.
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