What do you want to know about us? Every time I sit down to write a blog post, I question myself on what does a perspective birth mom or first mom or dad want to know about us. I question should I update our website with new information or is this blog enough to share how we have grown and changed? Social Media makes it possible for everyone to seem happy all of the time and people can come across as rather fake. I don't want that, I love my life...all that is missing is being a mom, but that doesn't mean everything is perfection. Bubba and I disagree over who should clean this or that, why are we going there but not seeing my family too, or why are you dragging me to this. Our relationship is definitely a push and shove; we just try to work hard at making it work for us. Relationships ebb and flow. I don't know how many times Bubba has heard me say "I love you, but I don't really like you right now!"
So, I struggle. If parenting your child isn't right for you, for any reason, what would you want to know about us that would lead you to considering us becoming your child's parents. We know that our life is going to change when we become parents. We plan on fewer trips back to Nebraska, we plan on making our child first to us, we plan on doing what is best for our child. But we will still be us...family, faith, friends, & our careers are our core values. We know that without them we wouldn't be who we are, I know if I didn't have my students everyday I wouldn't be anywhere near the adult that I am. I plan on still being a prom chaperone, I plan on also taking our kids to the zoo every year, I plan on our child knowing how much he or she and his first parents are loved by us.
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I believe I have hit upon my struggle of staying patient during our adoption journey. I am constantly battling with myself on what is God's Will and how much should I be doing. I am sure that there is a balance between doing nothing and doing too much that could lead to a path that is not meant to be traversed by Bubba and I. As my emotions range from despair to hope, I picked up "The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?" off of my bookshelf Tuesday night. I have had this book for at least 5 years, I cannot remember if it simply was my mother-in-law's or if she gave it to us at some point. However, it amazes me that while I was leaning more towards despair that I was inspired to look up verses on adoption and when I picked up my Bible this book caught my eye. The book calls itself a 40 day journey, and I grabbed it the day before Lent begins.
Today's reading stood out to me. Life on earth is a test. Life on earth is a trust. Life on earth is a temporary assignment. The last one is tomorrow's reading. Test and Trust were explained today. It reminded me that God does test us, and sometimes he feels farther away from us to see how we respond to those feelings experienced at those moments. He will provide us with the strength to endure whatever test is thrown our way. Life on earth is a trust reminds me that everything I have isn't mine, it is God's. HE provides and entrusted us with his son as we partake in this Lenten Season. It is a season of despair and hope, where the ending is joyous. Somehow I keep encountering a word, phrase, or picture to remind me to have hope when I am feeling despair. We have put off completely putting a bedroom together for a child until we have one, but I have decided it is time to start. I purchased a string art elephant over a year ago to hang on the wall and finally decided to do it yesterday. (Partly because I wanted to avoid my treadmill.) I feel like It is time to prepare our house for a child even though we are not matched with a child yet. In another light, we have not been up to much lately. This weekend was probably the most relaxing one I have had since October. The state of Minnesota finally endorsed me 5-12 for Communicative Arts, so I no longer need to pay tuition! I would say I no longer need to learn, but that will never be true. The Knowledge Bowl season is almost to an end. I am sure I will be able to fill up my now free Monday nights. Bubba has been putting in extra hours working on a rental property, while still finding time to play XBox with my brothers regularly. It is always gives me great pleasure to hear them groan when they realize I am on the headset instead of Bubba. ![]() It has been a sad week for us. Oakley had a stroke on Tuesday and we had to put down our 17 year old Jack Russell. Oakley was Bubba's 12th birthday present. He was always a playful puppy, but ended up loving Bubba's mom more than Bubba. Oakley lived with Sheri the majority of his lifetime. Oakley and Louey came to live with us after Sheri passed away in 2011. I always felt like Oakley made sure we knew we were his. He claimed us, and had us take care of him as best we could. However, Sheri was always going to be his "mom", We figure she and Oakley had a grand reunion in heaven this week. In our little over 5 years together, Oakley had become my shadow. He followed me everywhere in the house. He would even spend his time walking in a circle around me while I was exercising. He loved children and balls. He still had his jolly ball from when he was a puppy that he rolled on and carried around, but never tried to destroy. Our house is a little quieter today, we did not have to get up at 6 to let him outside, and our hearts are a little heavy. The biggest blessing is that we know he has Sheri back in his life. One of Sheri's friends wrote a book after her passing called Merle the Squirrel where drawings of Oakley will always keep him alive in our hearts. To change the tune of this blog a bit, I figure I should mention our opinions on pets. Bubba always grew up with animals. His family had dogs, cats, gerbils, and even opossums for a little while. My first pet is our dog Maggie. We had slightly different upbringings. We think a pet is a guaranteed friend for our children. As a family we intend to always have at least one dog, but more than likely two. Other pets are still up in the air. I am terrified of mice, so hamsters and gerbils are a no in my opinion, but Bubba is all for them. Our niece once had some fire-bellied frogs or toads (I can't remember which), and I could handle that in my house. Of course we have these opinions, and know that once we are parents they will likely drastically change. With enough puppy dog eyes from my child I could easily give in on a hamster. What to blog about? Each time I sit down to blog, I ask myself what would a birth mom and/or dad want to know about us? We love our life, but how do we know anyone else is interested in what we do? We work, spend time with family, and spend time crafting (me) and playing video games/watching tv (Bubba).
Christmas involved driving to Nebraska two weekends in a row. We had a hard time wanting to drive back home, but part of that was because we enjoyed our time with both of our families. Bubba was able to make a Chevy tailgate bench for our brother-in-law and I was able to make gifts for all of our nieces and nephews except one. The execption received a .22 long rifle from his parents and I was overruled on present selecting so we gave him a strap for it. We played games, are too much, and spent time laughing at/with each other. Of course, I forgot to take my camera to the Bubba's sides Christmas, so the pictures below are from my side of the family only. I particpated in my first craft show in December, the money I make from making stuffed animals is being saved for when we are selected by a birth family and need to potentially make travel arrangments. At this craft show I realized how socialable Bubba is. He was a much better salesman than me. Bubba has always been the more easily approachable of the two of us. I am rather quiet and shy until you get to know me, then I am rather chatty. 2017 has started off with many plans, that we only hope and pray can be ruined by a child becoming ours. We wish all of you a blessed and happy new year. It is 9:30 P.M. and it is my bedtime. However, as a tired Civics teacher I cannot get my mind to stop thinking about the Presidential Election. Now, I mentioned that I am a tired Civics teacher, so I did go to bed at this time last night and woke up this morning to learn the results of the election. I did not jump out of bed - mostly because why would I do that mornings are always terrible - but I also did not despair the future of this great country. As a Civics teacher I do not publicly share my opinions on the candidates, I tried hard to find positive and negative examples of both nominees while teaching about the election. However, I went to the polls yesterday only thinking about myself and not our country. How could I vote for a woman who supports late-term abortions when my heart aches to be a mother? How could I vote for a man who degrades different races when there is a strong likely hood that my future children will not be Caucasian? How can I view either of these people as role models? Some of you may think I am naive, but I am a Civics teacher. The end result doesn't scare me and wouldn't have if it had went the other way. Our Founding Fathers established a system of checks and balances. One person cannot say this is how it we will be and everyone follows.
Then this morning I went onto Facebook and saw gloating and poor losers (I don't know how else to put it). Now again I was not invested in either candidate, so when people started talking about a bully being a role model or it being a depressing day for little girls, my first thought was this will be a long four years. Then I went to school and found hope. Hope in that very few Presidents are viewed as role models. My 8th Graders are starting a research paper, where you don't have to research a person, but many students did. They selected people like Selena Quintanilla and Simone Biles, None of my thirty-four students are writing about Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump (he was selected, but the student changed his mind). Role models rarely come from politics, they come from people who are making a difference, people who are involved in young people's lives, and people who show there is hope. When I become a mom, my biggest goal will be to become my daughter's role model through my actions and deeds and not have it be someone who she sees on tv in any context. In case you do not know Bubba all that well, he is not a fan of taking pictures. I decided to make us take a selfie yesterday while picking pumpkins. His response was that no one needs to see him, "I am just your pack mule". What a statement. And it is true. Our future child will likely be able to wrap him around his or her finger without much trouble.
Yesterday was a fun-filled day for us. We were able to sleep in, someone longer than the other. (I was able to get some non-fun cleaning taken care of.) Then headed off to do a little shopping and pumpkin picking. I love pumpkin patches and I would have bought more if the wagon hadn't been full, but Bubba said I couldn't have two wagons when we arrived. We came home and spent a little time spray painting tubs for the front steps before going and shooting some clay pigeons. I am new to hunting, even though I took Hunter's Safety back in 2009, we finally found a shotgun that fits my short arms. We ended our day by participating in a UV Color Dash. We walked our 5k with a friend and had a blast showing up neon in the black lights. We are off to another week, with Knowledge Bowl meets beginning for me and a night at home alone each week for Bubba! What an exhausting day! Yet, what an amazing day! It was so wonderful to see how students have changed and stayed the same. This year I have a group of students for the third year in a row. This is a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that we know each other and a curse in that we know each other maybe too well. This will be my first year teaching freshman Civics.
I am also now the Yearbook teacher. I have an awesome group of juniors and seniors to work with as I learn how to loosen the reins in the classroom and let the students lead their learning. Seventh and eighth graders still get to see me as their English teacher. Eighth grade has new textbooks this year, but we will be starting off with one of my favorite topics from when I was an 8th grader, Greek Mythology. The last month passed by quickly. Bubba and I fit in a few fun adventures. We went down to the Nebraska State Fair to see Thomas Rhett in concert with friends. We also made it down to the Nebraska Vietnam Veterans Reunion. It was wonderful to see all of the veterans and their wives who still think of me as a little munchkin who ran around. We went adventuring over to Pipestone and toured the national monument. We went northward for Labor Day weekend to hang out with Bubba's aunt for her birthday. We were able to explore Canal Park in Duluth and visit Split Rock Lighthouse along the north shore. We are still waiting to be matched to either a young child in foster care or an expecting mother to select us. We appreciate everyone's support and continue to hope and pray for our opportunity to parents. My niece and I painted the room that will be a nursery and we are slowly transitioning the room away from a guests bedroom. One of my seventh grade units is based on futuristic stories. As their final assessment for the unit the students write a letter to themselves that is returned to them as seniors. As I think about being a mother one line from this letter stands out to me: "I have many hopes and dreams for my future..." Eight years ago today it was over 100 degrees out in Cortland, Nebraska. Thankfully our family and friends were still willing to attend our wedding. A few things have changed in the last eight years. We have both tried a couple of different jobs, we remodeled an entire house while living in it and sold it right after that to move to Minnesota, we lost Bubba's mom to cancer and a few other loved ones, we have made some awesome new friends while still connecting with old ones, and we have started the journey to parenthood.
I am one lucky lady to have had Bubba as mine for eight years of marriage and four years of dating. Time has flown by since since the summer of 2004 when we started hanging out. I am constantly impressed by the caring adult Bubba has become. His willingness to help others can make life a sttuggle sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way. Like right now he is trying to fix the motor for his fishing boat so his cousin can use it this weekend and I get to sit in the boat and type this. AWe started our anniversary this year by attending the KISS concert last night and will end our day with the last week of regular season sand volleyball. Here's to at least sixty more years together. ***If you come across a lot of typos it is because our internet provider is having issues and I am not an expert at typing on my phone and I will just have to add pictures to Facebook. Since we have been home almost two weeks now, I figure it is time to gather all of my thoughts on our vacation. Amazing, breathtaking, relaxing, and too-short come to mind. Our vacation is another example of how blessed we are with family. We spent six days in Anchorage with Bubba's cousin, his wife, and daughter, then we spent three days in Seattle with my brother.
In Anchorage, we started our adventure with a cabdriver who has had an unbelievable life. He retired from his job a few years ago, spent two years traveling the world, and now drives cabs a few days a week to get out of the house. His opinion on the one place to visit in the world is Machu Piccu. I believe him, after he told us of riding horse for twenty or so days along the Great Wall of China and boating through India, he has seen more of this world than most. Our gracious host and hostesses took us far and wide, We visited the Alaska Zoo, Tabletop Mountain - to try to see fireworks but it was too light out yet, Anchorage Museum - which had beautiful artifacts from Alaska's tribes, hiked a mile to Thunder Bird Falls, drove up through Hatcher's Pass, four-wheeled Eklutna Lake, visited Portage Glacier visitors center, hiked to Byron Glacier - where Bubba's cousin was married eight years ago, four-wheeled Jim's Creek, had a nice visit with Bubba's aunt and uncle, went on a walk then drive hunt to find a moose, without success, and an overall fabulous time. The best part of Seattle was seeing my brother. If you didn't know, he lived with us during his college breaks to make some money working with Bubba. As he and I are the the middle children I feel that we have a slightly different bond than I do with my sister and youngest brother. (Part of this might be because I struggle to see my youngest brother as anything but the baby). We arrived on Saturday and spent the afternoon riding rented bikes through downtown Seattle. Sunday morning we woke up and went adventuring. We wanted to go hiking and decided to try out Mt. Rainier National Park. It was about a two hour drive, but well worth it. We only went about twenty miles into the park and hiked three miles up past Carter's Falls. We slowly meandered our way back to Seattle with a stop at an old train car transformed into a restaurant. Monday we woke up with the sun to see my brother off to work. We rode the 6. A.M. ferry to Bremerton and the 7 A.M. ferry back to Seattle. Then we walked all over the city. We started by walking to the Space Needle. The history of this attraction is fascinating and I am glad we did not skip it like many locals told us to. From there we walked back down through Pike's Market for lunch and shopping. We did an Underground tour which was fascinating, and then took my brother to Costco for him to stock up. On our way to Costco Mt. Rainier finally decided to emerge from the clouds. We walked to the Columbia Tower and finally we were able to take pictures of Mt. Rainier. We ended vacation with a long Tuesday spent at the Seattle and Portland airports and a late arrival in Omaha. Wednesday we were able to visit our cousin Gabrielle at the Madonna rehabilitation center and bring our seven year old niece home with us. What a journey life has been since our last blog post. On June 5th Bubba's cousin Gabrielle was in a horrific car accident a few miles up the road. She was flown to Sioux Falls immediately and underwent surgery to remove her spleen, repair her liver, and put a stint in her aorta. That was only the beginning of the battle, She also has traumatic brain injury that had her brain swelling so much that the neurosurgeons decided it would be best to remove her skull. She is now showing massive improvement and is at Madonna Rehabilitation down in Lincoln, Nebraska. If you would like to support her and her family through this struggle a go fund me has been created https://www.gofundme.com/289u4phw or t-shirts are available for purchase to help with medical bills https://www.booster.com/TurnandburnforGabbie3
My main purpose for sharing Gabrielle's circumstance is to give an example of how amazing of a family we have. The accident was around 11:30 a.m. By that night we needed four hotel rooms for family. We filled up the ICU waiting room. Our grieving was filled with laughter of stories about Gabrielle and other family favorite memories. We were serious when needed but also optimistic and uplifting. Gabrielle's mom told the doctors our family is like hornets, we swoop in when needed. It is a blessing to see Gabrielle improving as she starts a long journey in recovery. As a family we have to have patience to see what damage has occurred to the brain and continue to pray for the bubbly, caring Gabrielle to be back. Along with supporting family in June our niece on my side of the family turned 2 and we celebrated this on July 2nd. Now 2nd birthdays are hugely important, but even more so for my niece. She was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension last year in February and stayed in Children's Hospital until June where she experienced four heart attacks and various other life threatening incidents. Since then she has improved drastically! The number of meds she is on has been cut down and she acts like any other 2 year old. Bubba and I had the pleasure of babysitting her the night before her birthday party, where we learned that she abhors the sound of drills and mixers, loves to look at pictures, and is a bed hog. We started her birthday celebration with an impromptu photo shoot. She did awesome! Then of course we enjoyed presents, supper, and cake. Sadly, it was a rainy day so the fireworks had to be moved to the next day and Bubba and I missed them. (Really only kinda sad, I am not a big fan of fireworks.) The last little bit of time we had in June was filled with Bubba and I deciding to add to our adoption license. We have been licensed to adopt an infant in the U.S. where birth parents would select us and we would wait for the birth of the child. There are placement agencies that can help with this, but are around $25,000 so not a feasible option at this time. So we decided to try a different route to have hopefully have a larger chance to become parents...we became licensed to foster for adoption. How this works is that we could be matched with a child in Minnesota who has become a ward of the state. We could adopt any age this way. We are still hoping for a younger child, but have a much larger perspective on adopting an older child. Now this is not quite typical foster parenting, we are not brave enough to foster children who could potentially be placed back in their homes. We would only have a child in our home who will become our child. We hope that if we are matched this route that the birth parents would still be in the child's life as an open adoption. We spent two days in training in St. Cloud, filled out who knows how many papers, watch a few videos online, and attended a three hour car seat safety class. To say the least, June kept us running and we sprinted into July on vacation, but that post will have to be written next week. |
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March 2017
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